do not disturb
Ok here's the deal. I'm a 26 year old woman living with my boyfriend. We each have family in this country. We both work. We both have our own friends. As well as work, we own our house (well, boy does at least) and are responsible for its upkeep. We by no means earn enough to pay someone to clean it for us nor do our laundry nor our food shopping.
Factor our ages into this (boy's 31). So it's fairly plausible that we're both going to have friends old enough to get married and have babies and buy new homes. We're both going to have friends in similar situations to us. We're also both long enough out of shcool/uni to expect reunions to crop up (well, I'm more likely to as I studied in this country). Factor in stuff like ooooh sleep and there's our life.
I am exhausted. I've been back not even a week from a glorious two week holiday (more on that another time as I'm too upset and angry at the moment) and already I'm fed up. I'm tired of justifying my life and the decisions I've made. I apologise to everyone I rarely see anymore (and this is the last bloody time too that I'm apologising as I've been at my job for 7 months now) but when you work till 7 at night, not getting home till 8.30, you don't have much of an evening. Especially not when everyone else works 9-5.30. I understand that you need your sleep. I'm sorry if I'm not around during the week. Accept it, it's a fact of (my) life now. The job was too good to pass up. And surely this is better for me - I'm not unhappy all the time, I'm not as sick and stressed out, I'm not complaining all the time about how much I hate my job. I'm happy. I found something that works for me. Be happy for me.
Don't hound me cause I'm never around during the week. The 7-month statute of limitations has expired now. Try to understand that the weekend - those 2 precious days a week - is the only time I get to do normal things, like laundry, food shopping, cleaning the house; things I used to do during the week. As well as juggle my family, boy's family, all my friends, all of the boy's friends. I may not get to see you every week. Don't take it personally. There may be a period of a few weeks when I cannot see you. Don't take it personally. Indeed you may even have to go a month without seeing me. Doesn't mean we can't talk on the phone or email or even just text to say "hey, thinking of you. How the heck are ya?" That's always nice. I understand that you too have a life and a million and one things to do with your precious weekend.
Understand that I'm/we're not seeing you because we don't want to, but because sometimes there are things that we can't get out of, nor would we want to. Like weddings. Seeing a friend's new baby. Catching up with someone we haven't seen for months because they've been busy, we've been busy, or people have fallen ill. A birthday. Helping a friend move house. Going to reunions. Seeing our families (especially those at a distance where it is a whole weekend affair). And doing stuff for us - getting away from it all. Trying to get our house decorated. Just having some down time. Gardening. All that filing that builds up for months cause we're never here long enough and conscious enough to do it. I/we don't complain when you're busy; we understand that not everyone's schedule will synch.
The reason for this rant is I am tired. I've been getting it from both sides this week and I've had enough. I'm not saying we're busy cause we don't want to see you. I'm saying we're busy cause we genuinely are. If it's not a big deal, why don't you say so at the beginning, rather than harrassing me for days so I rearrange my life (and inevitably at least one other person's beyond my boy) to make sure we see you, then tell me it's no big deal?
This must sound ungrateful, and I'm truly not meaning it to. I like spending time with my family, especially as we've all been getting older, it's really nice to hang with them. Easter 2006 was ace for that very reason - we all just hung out, we weren't doing anything special. I like hanging with my boy's family - his bro is just so sweet and fun, his ma a laugh and his stepdad cracks me up. And again it's nice, it's easy, we just hang out. It's family time, which is so important.
And it's nice that our friends want to see us too. Of course it's nice. And I want to see you too! It's hard to fit everyone in all the time, so sometimes I do have to say no to seeing people. Heck, my old housemate and I haven't been able to co-ordinate since January! Which is appalling really, when only a year ago I saw her every single day and I miss her so much. But she has a life as do I. It sucks, we're aware of it and we're trying to fix it. My best mate is a legend - he always makes sure we get our time, both with and without our respective partners (with is always good too though as his girlf is one of my closest friends). But he gets it. He understands me, and is cool with hanging out after 9 during the week and will prompt me if I forget to see him for a while.
I don't hound people when they're busy and can't see me. I accept it and try to find another day/time for us to meet. Sometimes, if it's a one-off and/or special thing (birthday's, weddings, hen do's, reunion, new house, etc) I will do my utmost to be there, even if it means I get there late cause of work.
What I hate is being hounded to the point where I'm stressed out about it. Especially if I've acknowledged the situation. Don't keep harassing me, I'll try to fix it. But accept sometimes I can't. I'm not going to call my friend and say "sorry, can you move your wedding? I haven't see Bob for ages and he's hounding me". I hate cancelling/rearranging plans, especially when it is so hard to make them in the first place. My schoolfriend who just had a baby - she's super busy. And I want to see her whenever she's free, keep up with her and the little princess. I felt so bad this week having to rearrange plans with her and her family to keep someone else happy. (Although I acknowledge that the other person had a point, and I wanted to see them too, I just hate feeling manipulated or obliged into something.)
It's a fact of life that we're all getting older and taking on more committments. It happens. And it means we have less time to go around for everyone else. It sucks, but it happens. It just makes the times we do get together all the more special. We should be cherishing and valuing those rather than always fighting and complaining at each other. Each of us has a life. We're all busy people. It's as important to slow down and take time for yourself as it is to see your family and friends. We all just need to cut each other some slack and accept that just because we're free one day, doesn't mean someone else is.
Factor our ages into this (boy's 31). So it's fairly plausible that we're both going to have friends old enough to get married and have babies and buy new homes. We're both going to have friends in similar situations to us. We're also both long enough out of shcool/uni to expect reunions to crop up (well, I'm more likely to as I studied in this country). Factor in stuff like ooooh sleep and there's our life.
I am exhausted. I've been back not even a week from a glorious two week holiday (more on that another time as I'm too upset and angry at the moment) and already I'm fed up. I'm tired of justifying my life and the decisions I've made. I apologise to everyone I rarely see anymore (and this is the last bloody time too that I'm apologising as I've been at my job for 7 months now) but when you work till 7 at night, not getting home till 8.30, you don't have much of an evening. Especially not when everyone else works 9-5.30. I understand that you need your sleep. I'm sorry if I'm not around during the week. Accept it, it's a fact of (my) life now. The job was too good to pass up. And surely this is better for me - I'm not unhappy all the time, I'm not as sick and stressed out, I'm not complaining all the time about how much I hate my job. I'm happy. I found something that works for me. Be happy for me.
Don't hound me cause I'm never around during the week. The 7-month statute of limitations has expired now. Try to understand that the weekend - those 2 precious days a week - is the only time I get to do normal things, like laundry, food shopping, cleaning the house; things I used to do during the week. As well as juggle my family, boy's family, all my friends, all of the boy's friends. I may not get to see you every week. Don't take it personally. There may be a period of a few weeks when I cannot see you. Don't take it personally. Indeed you may even have to go a month without seeing me. Doesn't mean we can't talk on the phone or email or even just text to say "hey, thinking of you. How the heck are ya?" That's always nice. I understand that you too have a life and a million and one things to do with your precious weekend.
Understand that I'm/we're not seeing you because we don't want to, but because sometimes there are things that we can't get out of, nor would we want to. Like weddings. Seeing a friend's new baby. Catching up with someone we haven't seen for months because they've been busy, we've been busy, or people have fallen ill. A birthday. Helping a friend move house. Going to reunions. Seeing our families (especially those at a distance where it is a whole weekend affair). And doing stuff for us - getting away from it all. Trying to get our house decorated. Just having some down time. Gardening. All that filing that builds up for months cause we're never here long enough and conscious enough to do it. I/we don't complain when you're busy; we understand that not everyone's schedule will synch.
The reason for this rant is I am tired. I've been getting it from both sides this week and I've had enough. I'm not saying we're busy cause we don't want to see you. I'm saying we're busy cause we genuinely are. If it's not a big deal, why don't you say so at the beginning, rather than harrassing me for days so I rearrange my life (and inevitably at least one other person's beyond my boy) to make sure we see you, then tell me it's no big deal?
This must sound ungrateful, and I'm truly not meaning it to. I like spending time with my family, especially as we've all been getting older, it's really nice to hang with them. Easter 2006 was ace for that very reason - we all just hung out, we weren't doing anything special. I like hanging with my boy's family - his bro is just so sweet and fun, his ma a laugh and his stepdad cracks me up. And again it's nice, it's easy, we just hang out. It's family time, which is so important.
And it's nice that our friends want to see us too. Of course it's nice. And I want to see you too! It's hard to fit everyone in all the time, so sometimes I do have to say no to seeing people. Heck, my old housemate and I haven't been able to co-ordinate since January! Which is appalling really, when only a year ago I saw her every single day and I miss her so much. But she has a life as do I. It sucks, we're aware of it and we're trying to fix it. My best mate is a legend - he always makes sure we get our time, both with and without our respective partners (with is always good too though as his girlf is one of my closest friends). But he gets it. He understands me, and is cool with hanging out after 9 during the week and will prompt me if I forget to see him for a while.
I don't hound people when they're busy and can't see me. I accept it and try to find another day/time for us to meet. Sometimes, if it's a one-off and/or special thing (birthday's, weddings, hen do's, reunion, new house, etc) I will do my utmost to be there, even if it means I get there late cause of work.
What I hate is being hounded to the point where I'm stressed out about it. Especially if I've acknowledged the situation. Don't keep harassing me, I'll try to fix it. But accept sometimes I can't. I'm not going to call my friend and say "sorry, can you move your wedding? I haven't see Bob for ages and he's hounding me". I hate cancelling/rearranging plans, especially when it is so hard to make them in the first place. My schoolfriend who just had a baby - she's super busy. And I want to see her whenever she's free, keep up with her and the little princess. I felt so bad this week having to rearrange plans with her and her family to keep someone else happy. (Although I acknowledge that the other person had a point, and I wanted to see them too, I just hate feeling manipulated or obliged into something.)
It's a fact of life that we're all getting older and taking on more committments. It happens. And it means we have less time to go around for everyone else. It sucks, but it happens. It just makes the times we do get together all the more special. We should be cherishing and valuing those rather than always fighting and complaining at each other. Each of us has a life. We're all busy people. It's as important to slow down and take time for yourself as it is to see your family and friends. We all just need to cut each other some slack and accept that just because we're free one day, doesn't mean someone else is.
posted by koochan @ 6:58 pm
2 Comments:
At 6/6/06 02:17,
BadYogi said…
Ahhh, yes - welcome to your mid-/late twenties. On the plus side, it's a great opportunity to get rid of those you've sadly outgrown, and you start to truly appreciate the ones you choose to keep...
And Easter 2006 was indeed chill, once everyone was out of hospital ;)
At 6/6/06 17:05,
Pudsk said…
Wotcha kiddo. You're right, so right, and it stems from the fact that you're very sociable and a good friend to many people in the first place, which is why you're always in demand. I find it strange that when I was at school, I used to spend all day with my best mate and then spend a couple of hours talking to her on the phone each evening. Now I see her probably once a year at most. It is an arse having unsociable working hours - not many people want to hook up between 9-10am - but as the last commentator hinted at, now is the time to streamline, prioritise and accept that you cannot be all things to all people all of the time. I leave you with a George Eliot quote: "It is worthwhile to forget a friend for a week or 10 days ... for the sake of the agreeable kind startle it gives one to be reminded that one has such a treasure in reserve."
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